The abuse is not always evident and children are not aware of the I’m glad I only live once cause I can’t do this shit again shirt psychological and emotional abuse they suffer. They realize that only in adulthood. Many adult children of toxic parents have not yet realized that their parent was a pathological narcissist. Everyone is self-cautious and cares to a certain degree what other people think about them, that’s human nature. But the narcissistic parent acts differently at home than they’re out in public. The narcissistic parent takes pride in flaunting their social status, physical appearance, material possessions, and accomplishments. But when they no longer have an audience, they stop with the nice act. They either criticize or talk about others behind their back. Parents who are emotionally healthy love their children no matter what.
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When their children do something wrong they’ll punish them but it’s still obvious to the I’m glad I only live once cause I can’t do this shit again shirt children that they are loved. Narcissists don’t display love for their children. They don’t have the ability to love their children, so they will only give out conditional love, like when you are succeeding in something or when they can brag about you to their friends. A healthy parent controls their children for good, but a narcissistic parent will want to decide everything: your career, who you can date, and when you can move out.
When you start thinking for yourself and stop asking their validation, they start bullying you. Narcissist parents will do their best to keep their children in a child-like dependent state at all times. The truth of the matter is that there are people in the world who would be happy to help you and who would love you more than your parents could, but narcissist parents do not want you to know that, because that means you will leave them and then they have no one to abuse and they lose a source of supply.